Negotiating with Confidence
Negotiating in the job market.
Negotiating the terms of your job offer or your salary at your current job is so important for everyone because of the ripple effect it has over your lifetime, yet many people – especially women – don’t do it.
They either don’t think about it, are intimidated by the idea of it, or think that they will jeopardize the offer if they do.
This post is dedicated to explaining why it’s important for you to negotiate and how to prepare yourself. After reading this post, sign up for my e-mail list and you’ll receive my FREE negotiation script – a guide on what to say to negotiate and how to answer questions about your salary expectations!
Why is negotiating so important?
What you’re offered in pay, benefits, time off, schedule flexibility, etc. has a huge impact on your life, as well as a ripple effect for years to come, so it’s too important to allow discomfort to prevent you from engaging in that process. When it comes to job offers, HR is most likely anticipating you to come back with a counter-offer, so it can actually lend itself to your credibility and awareness of your value within the industry.
Let’s say you’re offered a job at $60,000. You think it’s an okay offer, but you know that your friend who works in the same position at a different company is making $65,000. But it’s only a $5,000 difference, so what’s the big deal? Well…if you live in the state of Ohio, not accounting for benefits deductions, after taxes that’s a difference of $293 per month. This number may fluctuate depending on the taxes in your state, but you get the gist.
That $293 per month might allow your family to live in a safer area. That might mean you can afford to take your family on a vacation. That additional money might be the difference between being able to afford to send your kid to preschool or not. That might be the difference between stressing out about buying gifts during the holidays and buying gifts worry-free. Or, that might be $293 per month that you can put towards your retirement. For a 35-year-old, that would mean an extra $400,000 in retirement savings. So, yes, a difference of just $5,000 per year can change your quality of life, not only now but in the future, drastically.
If you’re intimated by the prospect of negotiating, just know that you’re not alone. This is normal and many people feel this way. There are a few main reasons for this, and one or all of them may resonate with you.
One reason people might be averse to negotiating is that they’ve experienced a tight job market (I’m looking at you, millennials, who graduated college shortly after the 2008 crash). If you’ve looked for a job when jobs were scarce, then your experience tells you that you should just be grateful to get an offer and the idea of asking for more than what is being offered might seem counterintuitive. While tight job markets do happen, they’re not typical, and you should still negotiate if you feel that the offer or your current pay is too low.
Another reason that negotiating makes people’s stomach turn is their mindset. Many women think about negotiating under the mindset that they have to fight for something or that they’re asking for something outrageous, which creates a confrontation or conflict. Couple this with the fact that a lot of people are non-confrontational, and it’s enough to make anyone sweat.
A third reason that is specific to women is that we have this fear of being perceived as ungrateful or pushy. And according to Harvard Business Review, that fear isn’t unfounded. Data shows that women are often viewed negatively for the same things that men are viewed positively including negotiating. Even though this isn’t the best news, the silver lining is that it is entirely possible for women to negotiate, to get what they ask for, and to still be viewed in a positive light by the employer. It’s about your negotiation strategy, your mindset, and your flexibility on the big picture. We’re getting into all of that, so keep reading!
Get your negotiation mindset right.
First, before you try to come up with your negotiation strategy, you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You shouldn’t wait until you feel 100% confident about negotiating, because the reality is you might not ever feel that way. As with anything, practice makes perfect so you’re not going to get used to negotiating unless you actually do it. Avoiding it certainly isn’t going to make you more comfortable.
You also need to figure out if you’re going to have any room to negotiate or if you even should. Like I said before, negotiating is super important and is appropriate for many situations – but there are instances when an offer is really good and you might not feel the need to negotiate. That’s absolutely fine, but either way, you need to do your research to determine if that’s the situation.
In order to make that determination, you need to look up what the typical pay rate for that position and industry is in your particular area given your experience, skill set, education, and size of the company. You should also research the company to see if there is any information out there regarding their reputation when it comes to pay (are they known for being in line with the market or are they known for underpaying).
There are various websites that gather this information for you to review. Just put in your google search the job title “pay rate” and the state that you live in or the state that the position is located in. Connecting with people you know or that you find on LinkedIn who are currently in similar positions to see if they have pay information that they’re willing to share with you is another great way to get insight into what your salary expectations should be. If your industry has a professional organization or certification group, you can also contact them to see if they can give you this information. The idea is to not go into a negotiation blind because how are you then going to know what to negotiate?
Once you’re comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable with negotiating and you’ve done your pay rate research, check on your mindset about negotiating. Keep in mind that a negotiation is just a conversation, not an argument. You and the employer ultimately are working towards the same goal. You want to work for them and they also want you to work for them. You know this because you’re at the offer stage, so now it’s just a matter of finding that sweet spot where you both feel positive about the agreement.
If you’re happy with the original offer and you feel it is reflective of your worth, then great! But if it falls short, then think about how you want to have that conversation. For you, it’s about your value being recognized. For them it’s about feeling like they filled the position with the right person and that what they’re paying is going to be well worth it. I’m going to talk more about this after I touch on the next point, so stay tuned!
Then, think about your overall goal in negotiating and the whole package. This point is one that Deepak Malhotra, Ph.D., a professor at Harvard Business School whose focus is on negotiation and deal-making, emphasizes. Salary isn’t the only thing that you can negotiate; you can also negotiate your vacation time, work schedule, geographic location, schedule flexibility/work from home, education/training opportunities and reimbursement, relocation reimbursement, etc. Before you start negotiating, you should think about all factors of the offer, which ones are most important to you, and if you’re flexible on what the employer is able to give you.
For instance, if the employer isn’t able to give you the exact salary you’re requesting, but they’re able to meet you halfway on that as well as pay for your professional certifications, would you be happy with that? Professor Malhotra has a wonderful video on YouTube where he goes into detail about how to negotiate that I highly encourage you watch. It’s a little lengthy but well worth the time!
Once you’ve done this, now it’s time to come up with your negotiation strategy and we’re circling back to the negotiation mindset.
Negotiation Strategy
Remember – this is just a conversation, not a confrontation! So, the way you speak to the recruiter, HR person, hiring manager, etc. plays a big part in how successful you’ll be in reaching your goal.
I’m a big believer in not burning bridges whether it’s at the interview stage or you’re leaving the company after years of employment. You never know when co-workers, hiring managers, HR people, or a company as a whole is going to come back around in your life. So even if during the negotiation process it becomes clear to you that this position or this company isn’t for you right now, you should talk with them in a way that if you cross each other’s paths again, you’ll both feel positive about it.
I think Professor Malhotra puts it best. He advises that you should approach the negotiation in a way that makes the employer more excited about the prospect of working with you and makes them like you more once the negotiation is done. This includes those situations when an agreement can’t be reached. So, how would you do this? Well, there are a few easy things.
Be likable. You can still be assertive and make clear what you need in an offer in order to accept it while being polite, kind, and reasonable. Sometimes it’s not what we say, but how we say it. Employers are more likely to want to give you what you’re asking for if you’re approachable, professional, and kind, rather than if you are rude, entitled, and aggressive.
Flexibility, which I mentioned earlier, is another key. Just because you manage to get a higher salary doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re bringing home more money, or that it’ll be the most ideal setup for you and your family. If an employer can’t give you what you want in salary, but they can allow you to work from home a few days per week, that might be a better situation for you overall. You’ll save money on gas, you’ll save time by not having to commute those days, and you might even save money on childcare if your kids don’t have to go to daycare after school.
Or, maybe the employer can’t offer you more money at all, but they agree to pay for you to go to grad school. That’s a huge chunk of money that you won’t have to pay for yourself, so that might actually be better than getting $10,000 more on your salary. Each person’s situation is different, but the point is that it will be to your benefit to think through what you can be flexible on and what you can’t. This leads to my next point…
Make sure you’re clear and honest about what you’re asking for. In order to do this, you have to be clear with yourself and the employer about what is most important to you. You don’t want to be anxiously awaiting a response to your negotiation proposal just to realize that the recruiter misunderstood what you were asking for.
If you know that you absolutely need to make a minimum of $75,000 per year in order to support your family and cover all of your bills, the person you’re negotiating with should know that $75,000 is your minimum expectation. I’m not saying that you need to tell them the reasons why, but they should know that you cannot accept anything below that amount. It would be a massive waste of your time as well as their time, which they definitely will not appreciate, if they go through this process with you thinking that they’re coming up with a deal that you’ll be happy with, just for you to tell them that you were never going to be able to accept that offer.
In my free negotiation script, which you can get by subscribing to my e-mail list, I go over what to say to ensure that you’re being clear and confident in your negotiation communication so that you avoid this mishap.
Sometimes job candidates try to negotiate multiple things, like salary, bonuses, relocation expenses, etc. If you’re in this situation, you might be able to get everything you’re asking for, but you need to be realistic and anticipate that it might not happen. In order to increase your chances of getting at least part of your request, you should express the order of importance of each thing. Typically, whomever you’re negotiating with is not the one who can actually approve your requests. They have to take your proposal to someone higher up, so if they can talk with that person while knowing what is the most important thing to you, the more likely you’ll end up with an offer that you’re happy with.
In a nutshell…
Let’s recap. Before you start the negotiation process, you need to…
Accept that you might be uncomfortable with it, but still do it anyway.
Do your market research and know what to reasonably expect for pay and, therefore, what to ask for.
Get yourself in a friendly, collaborative, conversational mindset rather than an argumentative, combative mindset.
Get clear on your minimum expectations and what you can be flexible on.
After all is said and done, the employer should still feel positive about you and their experience negotiating with you, even if you decline the offer.
Don’t burn bridges because it might bite you in the butt later on.
Now that you know the key points to keep in mind when coming up with your negotiation strategy, don’t forget to sign up for my e-mail list so you can get my FREE negotiation script!